Tavika

This is the best post in my blog.... but this was not written by me......but this was written for me.... :( tears rolled down my eyes as I was reading it.... It is the the best thing I have ever read in my whole life.... :)

I am not as good a writer as u are. .but just tryin to express my feelings

Disclaimer: Dont laugh or tease if you dont like this

You dont know how much you mean to me,

And how much I care for you all my life.

My life is incomplete without you

And my dreams would never come true without you.

I remember those days when we used to fight for no reason,

And hug each other in no time.

I remember those times when I made you very unhappy,

And you would never hate me for anything.

I have always committed mistakes,

but never missed your love and care.

You know me more than anyone in this World

And always made me feel that you are always there for me.

You gave me everything I wanted,

And always made me feel like a princess.

I cant imagine my life without a sister like you,

And always thank God for giving me such a wonderful gift.

I think of you every time,

And miss you every second.

You are the one on whom I can always count on,

You are the one who makes my life meaningful.

You lift me to my feet when my wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Thanks for always being there for me!!

I never thought I would write this for you, but you are the culprit who made me do this. I feel terrible staying here all alone without you. I just feel like running away from all this career shit and come there and enjoy life with you. I just want those days, when we used to fight with each other as though it was the end of the world and hug each other even before the fight got resolved. I just want those days when we used to go eat street early in the morning. I still remember how much I used to cry everyday when you were in the hostel. I used to cry for you like a baby everyday as though we would never meet again in life. I want those evening walks, stupid talks and paani poori in bharat chat. I wanna get wet in the rain in the mid night and come home, late in the nights and see everybody's face turning red with anger on us. I miss shopping and going to movies with you. we used to watch movies as though we would die if we dont watch them. I laugh when I think of the movie samba, we might have almost missed the train. The list is never ending!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH . .life has become so different. I feel so mechanical and lonely. Why did u let me go !!

After reading the last line "Why did u let me go !!" I felt like killing myself.... when u know that u can live without someone never let them go... life will turn into a hell and u will never be able to forgive urself.... and when they ask u a question like this... u can never answer it..... :(

While you are asleep....

I wanna sleep by your side and watch u in silence while u are asleep....

I wanna hear you breathe and feel the air of every breath touching me while u are asleep....

I wanna run my fingers through your hair and stroke ur forehead while u are asleep...

I wanna kiss your lips gently and watch u smile in response while u are asleep...

I wanna rest my head on your chest and listen to your heart beat while u are asleep...

I wanna be there beside u so that u can pull me towards u and hug me closer while u are asleep...

I wanna watch u frown your eyebrows and blabber in your dreams while u are asleep....

I wanna tell myself how lucky I am to have u while i lie beside u while u are asleep...

I wanna see u waiting for me to open my eyes to kiss me goodmorning while I am asleep...

My hands are clentched, my feet are tied...

My eyes are wet, my heart is bleeding,

I am helpless now .....but, I  still have my perseverance and hope...

Because I know, at my will I can walk on an edge of a sword.

Hit by a stranger........

My life was a party, I was happy and peaceful, until one day when I met this stranger who came into my life from nowhere, he turned my life upside down and to my surprise I started liking my life this way. He looked and me straight into my eyes and smiled at me whenever I looked at him. His eyes spoke more than what he can express... Whenever I heard my name in his voice it felt as if I was named just now. Has someone has called me for the first time ever??Each time I heard my name from him I could feel something new about myself. Time passed in a snap and days passed in a wink I completely lost the track of time when I thought about him.. We barely spoke or exchanged words, the conversation was optimal but the eyes did the talking. My heart was busy connecting with him. All I wanted to do was watch him.... watch him move, watch him eat, watch him smile, watch him sit, watch him all the time... It annoyed me if anyone came near him and distracted me if anyone came near me... 

I thought that I knew myself but he proved me wrong... WHO AM I?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? WHY AM I LOST? I barely listened if someone spoke and stopped paying attention to everything around me, all I did was to think about him as if it was the only thing in the world left for me to do.. i kept thinking about him till it felt that my brain would explode.

Watching him leave squeezed my heart, it felt I stood there as if I am left with nothing. I waited for him to say something  and I couldn't look at him in his eyes. I just turned my face and let him go... I just did not want him to know how much it pained to watch him go... and now after he had left I am here all alone as if I was hit by a bus ... not knowing what to do, just lying with all the pain, waiting for someone to come, helpless and alone.................. All I do now is talk to myself, be in my own world, cry for no reason, smile when I am alone and stare at things for hours.... I am just waiting in pain.. I don't know the reason for my wait.... but I am just waiting.....

I can still be myself...

Yell at me till your last nerve bursts.... Show me all the evil that you have...

Knock me down and make me want to cry... Rip my heart and make me struggle...

Make me want to kill myself... Torture me with all your might.. 

Take me down don't let me breathe... Give me the pain, the pain that I can't take...

I will take all of it with a grin... and laugh right on your face...

All the pain you gave me is making my strength grow like a giant...

I now know what I want... It is more clear what I aspire... 

The pain is making me proud of myself for what I can fight against...

Go ahead, be merciless and insane.... and help me know how strong I can be...

Whatsoever you may do to me I can still remain myself and just love myself more...

You just can't stop me you can only help me grow....

It dosen't matter to me for what you wanna punish me for... 

Against all the forces I can still be what I aspire to be....

Of course it is obvious.....

Meeting you was fate, falling in love with you is obvious....

Looking at you was fate, blushing after I looked at you was obvious....

Spending time with you was fate, not keeping a track of time when I am wid you was obvious.....

Touching you was fate, the warmth and love in your touch was obvious.....

Walking with you was fate, wanting to spend my life with you was obvious....

You leaving me forever is fate, spending every moment of mine thinking about you is obvious.... 

Do guys deserve us???

I lied on my bed... but I couldn't sleep... I kept thinking, running my hand through my hair slowly, biting my lower lip under my incisors raising my eyebrow and narrowing my eye lids. suddenly I felt like looking at myself in the mirror, I got up like something had struck me... I stood before the mirror wondering how I looked. I looked at my eyebrows and they were neatly done I remembered the first time I got them plucked the pain was hell, my skin was swollen and red, tears dropped out from my eyes when each strand was being pulled I swore to myself that I would never get my eyebrows done again ... it has been seven years since I swore and I got them done for more thn 85 times. I never liked doing it but I still did it... and I dunno why???

I touched my hands they felt soft as silk, not a hair follicle and its smell of the expensive moisturiser felt like heaven. My palms were as soft as the cotton I pressed my palms against my cheeks and I fell in love with my own hands. The nail polish on my fingers shined like a natural glow of the pink then I  remembered that it took me two whole hours to pick my nail polish that would compliment the colour of my skin and I applied it for four times each time I applied it and if it went a little wrong i  removed it and redid the application to make sure that it looked just perfect, glossy and smooth... 

Suddenly I stared at my face in the mirror I moved a little closer to the mirror, my face became long, my eyebrows dropped, my upper lid hid the lower one and my eyes became small.. I noticed a pimple growing right besides my nose, on the cheek I wanted some mirracle to happen and wanted it to disappear.  I applied a zap acne lotion, I jumped in pain, I felt the burning sensation it was like hell. I hated doing this but I dunno why I did it!!

I slept at night with the awful smelling facemask on my face, with the sticky, oily lotion applied on my hands and legs and the conditioner applied to my hair which was leaking on to my neck and made me feel really uncomfortable I felt like being punished for something but then I did all this to myself as if I had no choice.  I never liked doing it but I still did it... and I dunno why???

I woke up in the morning brushed my teeth flossed it and then rinsed it with a mouthwash and then checked whether they sparkled. I took bath for more than an hour changed my dress for seven times. I tied my hair with a scrunchie that completely matched my dress. I searched for the perfectly matching earrings I couldnt find them so, I changed my dress and scrunchie again 

 now I even had a matching pair of earrings and a beautiful hand bag that costed me a fortune but nothing would fit into it because it was too small and its handle was very short and uncomfortable... but, I still chose to use it and.... I dunno why!!

I applied on myself  first the after bath lotion then the moisturiser and then the sunscreen lotion and sprayed lots of hair spray in my hair to make it look just right and to make my clumsy hair manageable. I slipped my comb into my bag and then took my cell phone and then I made sure if I didnt forget anything. I stepped out of the house with the biggest smile and i drove to the restaurant in my car. I parked the car and looked at my face in the mirror and checked the density of my lipstick and I took out a lipstick from the dash board and gave my lips another coat of wax...

I sat at the usual table and waited for him he was forty seven minutes late he came and sat in front of me. He wore a shirt which was scrumbled and the pants had stains of ice cream which he ate on our last meeting. His hair was over grown and his beard was stubble his mouth stinked of the smell of cigarettes I wondered if he had taken his bath.... he looked as if he didn't care how he looked. He looked as if he had just escaped from prison.

I waited for him to look at me. He studied the menu, he placed the order while he waited for his ordered food he spoke on the phone to his friend about yesterday's cricket match. I gathered all my patience and energy and waited for his response. He did not notice my effort or my dress or my accessories. After he ate like a pig he turned to me and said ... "So, wassup huh??". I smiled, and said "Nothin, wassup with you??". He said "Me? Tonight i am going to a movie with my friends I heard its a great movie. It is starring........" suddenly he stopped ad switched his eyes to a girl behind me and said " Oh my God!! look at that girl, she is so stunningly and naturally beautiful and look at the guy she is going around with ... he looks like he had escaped from the prison.... LUCKY BAST****"

chellemma I miss u.........:(

Neetho kalisi artham leni jokes ki navvalani undhi.... neetho kalisi flop cinema meeda comment vesthoo choodalani undhi.... coffe day lo tropical iceberg with whipped cream and chocolate sauce thagalani undhi... poddunee snaanam cheyyakundaa eat street lo breakfast cheyyalani undhi.... neetho kalisi nanna purse lo dabbulu kotteyalani undhi.... ardharathri varaku tv choosthuu sofa meeda padukovalani undhi... kaaallu padipoyelaa shopping cheyyalani undhi... friends andarini edipinchaalani undhi... intlo cheppakundaa rock concert ki vellalani undhi... amma tho kotlaadinappudu naaku nee support kaavalani undhi... thappu chesi intlo doriki poyinappudalla nee covering ivvatam kaavalani undhi.... neenu chesina thappuki ninnu irikinchaalani undhi.... aa tharuvatha neeku naa paina koopam vasthe neetho potlaadi nee champa pagalakottalani undhi.... neclace road paina nadavalani undhi.... college bus lo koorchuni ear phone kosam kotlaadalani undhi.... nuvvu nidrapothunnappudu lepi thitlu thinaalani undhi.... naa kosam nuvvu college goda dooki lecturer ki dorikipoyinaaparipoyi naatho cinema ki raavalani undhi.... nee friends tho kalisi ninne edipinchaalani undhi aa tharuvatha nee face lo expression choosi navvalani undhi.... tv remote kosam neetho kotlaadalani undhi.... nee mundhu koorchoni neeku ivvakundaa chocolate thinaalani undhi... neenu car accident chesinappudu nannu thidthunte nee moham lo kopam choodalani undhi... amma nannu thittinappudu nuvvu amma meeda arusthunte vinaalani undhi... naaku ontlo balenappudu nee pakkana undaalani undhi... nee mobile lo messages chadivi ninnu edipinchaalani undhi... nuvvu kottha abbayitho maatladithe ninnu thittalani undhi.... cheetiki maatiki avasaram lekundaa godava padaalani undhi... nee choppulu neeku teliyakundaa vesukellinappudu nee kopam choodalanundhi... naa noppi choosi nee kallalo edupu choodalani undhi... naaku ye kashtam vacchinaa ninnu pattukoni edichi marichipovalanudhi.... Nijamga malli nuvvu thirigi vaccheyalani undhi....

one last time....

I don't need a life time I just need a last time of everything I felt..

One last kiss to rejoice your love, one last hug to feel your warmth...

One last moment in your arms to make me feel that you'll take care...

One glance of your smile, which made my heart jump....

One last long drive, to make me feel that we left the world behind...

One last treat and one last toast, to celebrate the strength of our love...

One last frown on your face which shows that you are angry coz you care...

One last song you hum to me which makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world...

One last goodbye which creates an excitement that we are gonna meet again...

One last reason to live in this world to keep me alive without you....